Wednesday, February 6, 2008

I've got a CROSSBOW and a CATAPULT...

...and a plastic castle that bursts into plastic flames when you hit it with a carom.


Look here...

...I know you're jealous, just think of this like middle-ages edition of 'Cribs' and we will get along fine.

Up in the castle's sweet loft, right by the roof mounted catapult you see the incarnation of yours truly, the orc warlord Ugmagrak Graktha (translated from orcish that means "He who eats pigs.", ironic, I know). Around my castle is my fortress, well part of my sprawling land engulfing fortress. Those fellow greens skins are my borthers in arms as you can see our weapon of preference, the Meat Cleaver, you'll note orc wielded meat cleavers get capitalized they are that hoss. Even our shiels have spikes on them, oooooo yyeeaaahhhh (insert beat music).

If you swing left you'll see my second catapult, we call him Bizness, mostly because when you see me load him up you know I mean business in a carom tossing sense. Something of yours is going to go skidding across the table baby, just know its coming, check it out...

Thats Bizness behind its mean green fortifications. You're not gonna get to him you can just forget it, and even if you do that carom you wasted is just gonna bounce like its leaving your lame knight party.

You see Scrim hanging over there doing sight duty for Scrum whos back behind the high wall cranking back some kinetic energy.

But that isn't all my friends, not at all, you gotta swing right of the castle and check out my crossbow. It's a mean wooden carom slinging orcish machine of war and we call him Kazzing because that's the sound his elastic makes when he's taking care of your carefully built blocks. Blotsam and Jotsom are his two ops and they are killer skilled with that puppy. If you get close you can check out the number of castles they've triggered brigh orange flames on by the carved notches in the bow part. Lets just say they better stop soon or they are gonna cut it in half. Take a look...

It's loaded and ready to bring the hurt on baby, you can see the red eyes from here of my orcish weapon masters. They get a little over zealous at times and their accuracy gets off but can you really blame them? Just look at that fine craftsmanship they have to work with.
When you hear the 'kazzing' you should jump, just keep that in mind.

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